Is there still a hope?

“I love you” she whispered, “I love you, too” he lied but she didn’t know. She wasn’t worried, not anymore; she knew nothing could hurt her more than X. After him nothing scares her. She fakes a smile every day of her life, no one notices, of course, they don’t care and she’s a good actress. Too young only 17 and she has a broken heart and depressed soul. No matter how hard she tries she knows she’ll never have a normal life ever again. She has started getting used to it, to the fact that even if good things happen in her life bad things will follow for sure. She still has dreams & visions and a hope deep in her heart but he knows she’ll always be alone. No boy will ever fall for her hard, as hard as she fell for X she knows that boys lie. She doesn’t have any friends. They think she does, she just hangs out with a few girls and calls them ‘friends’ and they think she’s being honest with them. She’s not she’s not even honest with herself. Her heart broke into millions of pieces a long time ago. There’s also a boy in her life, he calls her his ‘friend’ and he’s quite good to her, she trusts him, but she knows he’s just another person who’ll soon leave her, she knows it’s just gossip. She knows things people can’t even imagine. She sees monsters when she closes her eyes. Death used to scare her but know she has a crush on him, she loves God more than anything and anyone and she thinks that maybe next to him she’ll finally find the peace but what is going to happen when everyone will be alive AGAIN? Once you were born you can’t ever die FOREVER or at least if you are a Christian but what if her religion is correct? She trusts God but life never treated her in a nice way, everything she tries to build falls apart too fast… She has thought of giving up so many times but God always gives her a reason not to, God really loves her even if she thinks that she has disappointed Him many times, He still loves her so much. She’s waiting for someone who will love her for real, not a rich, perfect guy just a normal person that she’ll like as well. She’s not ugly but she’s too hard to cope with. Sometimes she can’t even stand her own self. She can’t hate anyone but if you piss her off, she’ll be mad at you for life or will NEVER, EVER trust you again. She can act like nothing is going on when the night before she was crying herself to sleep. She’s too proud to let you know what’s happening to her. Not even psychologists can help her, she has thought of going to a madhouse but she’s too young for this… She wants to run away, not to give up! Just run away from this fucking, fucked up place with these miserable people. She wants to erase her past, but not the lessons she has learnt. She knows EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. She wants to go far away, she knows it won’t be easy, she knows the evil is just around the corner waiting to bite every single little bit of her body and soul, she doesn’t care, and she wants to risk her life & future. What else could she lose? When you HAVE LOST YOURSELF THERE’S NOTHING MORE YOU CAN LOSE. She’s so confused and so lonely sometimes. But she has learnt to live with it. She doesn’t know why everyone who talks to her wants to betray her. Some believe she’s insane, others rude and bitchy, others (including her relatives) that she’s faking it, what they don’t know and will never know is that she’s faking the laughs & smiles. She looks so much prettier when she’s sad; smiling makes her look weird and awkward feels like God made her to be like that, sad. She knows she has made mistakes, she has regretted not taking some chances. Yes, but she’s still a human being and she only wants to be healthy & loved these two will bring her happiness. She knows that only a brave person will be able to heal some of her wounds, it takes a lot of patience and love to do something like this but she’s already ready to leave her past if only someone could show her he wants her in his future, if only… She knows how to stay strong and God will heal her, she only wants to be loved, this, no gifts, no sacrifices, nothing just a bit of love and honesty but for real…!!! The first and last person she loved with all her heart and soul broke her heart, she still loves him, X, she had had a crush on other guys, too but she never loved anyone as much as she loved X, he wasn’t that hot and sexy, yes a very nice body but yet a very ugly personality. She knew she could make him happy but he didn’t want love, just her body and maybe her face, not her soul. Her love was too much, he couldn’t deal with it, and he couldn’t breathe so she let him go. He came back many times, she was there and loved him all over again and her heart was breaking more and more. She couldn't stop herself; her love became passion and her passion obsession. It was too wrong but it felt so right when she was into his arms. X was a player she knew it after the first heartbreak. She clearly knew what she was doing, she didn't mind, she didn't care. She couldn’t have him all hers but at least she could be with him for a few hours. She used to tell many people she liked him. They all warned her not to do this; even her mind, but her heart still loved him. As time flew by X became a secret no one knew about, only God, it was like He was bringing X in her road for some reason. She tried to fix X’s wounds, he had some, too. She knew she could keep him safe and that she’d be loyal but X didn’t want any of this. When X gave her attention no one else existed. She was just for X; she could die to save him. After her mum died she knew how it was losing someone, you couldn't say out loud you loved, so she let X know she loved him as many times as she could. She didn't care if X didn't love her, in the beginning she did but after months, no because her love was enough to fill an ocean. But she could never have X without X wanting this. After she realized love wasn't her ‘thing’ she decided to start dreaming about other things, these seemed to work better, these are the only things that keep her alive, the fact that one day all this will just be history, she wants to be rich and famous. But doing what she loves, acting & dancing. In a place she loves… Far away from where she is now. She might miss some people but she knows no one will miss her so she doesn't give a fuck. Worst thing about her is that she gets close to people very easily and she always ends up getting hurt. That’s why she’s a little bitch. Life made her one. If you DON’T BITE THEM, THEY’LL BITE YOU. That’s for sure. She’s also learnt that she should KEEP FRIENDS CLOSE AND ENEMIES CLOSER. But the last and the greatest of all is that NO MATTER WHERE YOU STARTED FROM YOU CAN ALWAYS GET WHERE YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU WORK YOUR ASS OFF AND NEVER GIVE UP. HAVE A MILLION REASONS TO CRY? CRY. BUT WHEN YOU’RE DONE DON’T FORGET ONE REASON TO KEEP UP EVEN IF NO ONE IS BY YOUR SIDE, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND FIGHT FOR YOUR DREAMS. WHEN YOU WERE BORN YOU WERE BORN ALONE AND THAT’S HOW YOU’LL BE WHEN YOU DIE. MAYBE THAT’S BECAUSE THIS IS HOW YOU ACTUALLY ARE WHEN YOU’RE ALIVE, TOO.

Think about it.

PS. This is just something that I thought would be interesting to share with you. Anything you might think is related to you or anyone you know is just a coincidence or….maybe this is how life is; Beautiful but Difficult… huh? ;)