I can't help falling...

Whenever I write these personal stories and stuff I always start off by explaining the whole "situation" but this is kinda cliché don't you think? So I decided that today I'm just going to write down my thoughts, memories and emotions about this subject totally randomly...

(Listen to these songs while reading this one)

I don't really believe that dreams have an inner meaning than the obvious one. For example, if you see a snake they say it means death, I say it just means that you might see a snake or another dangerous creature. Therefore all I'm gonna do is pray that what I saw yesterday in my sleep is going to happen in... someway. In the dream, we were so close, even closer than in reality, you wanted to hug me the way I want to hold you in my arms every day of my life... You whispered to me that I'm gorgeous, amazing and that you'll never, ever leave me. And I said that I love you and I do in real life as well... I do, I do love you in a way I'll never be able to explain... What if we're only 16? I know this is love no matter what kind or type it is, I don't care. I know it's love what I'm feeling for you. Every guy I had had a crush on it was because of their looks, my eyes had fallen for them but not my mind. Then when it comes to you this is different... You are handsome but you're not the hottest and not really the type of guys I like. But my mind likes you a lot, because you were always honest and because you've seen me at my very worst but yet you're still here. You know how difficult it is for someone to cope with me and my depressed soul but again you're still here. I know you don't need me the way I do need you. But I also know all the dreams that I see are not a coincidence, all the looks, all our moments... Just thinking about how we started and where we're now, drives me crazy. I trusted you more than anyone. I regretted it later, I was mad and sad and pissed off and then I realized it was all my fault because you have no idea how much you mean to me... I said to you about you things that were not nice just because I wanted to hide my real feels. You are free to call me your friend but no matter how hard I've tried ever since my mind fell for you I can't and at the end of the day I don't want to. I've met and fallen for bad boys that led me nowhere, with you it feels so right even if you're not my type. Your character is pure gold and no matter what happens between us, this is the truth. I can't imagine my life without you, seriously. And I don't even know how we came that close. But thinking about all this you can't say it wasn't real, isn't real. Because it is, I can feel it, in the way you look at me, talk to me and act. Even if you never admit it I know that deep in you, you love me maybe as a friend, but you do, even a little. I'm afraid of losing you way more than I was of losing all those guys. Because you haven't only touched my heart, you've won my mind,too and this doesn't happen often with me, it happens once in a trillion seriously. It sounds crazy but you're the only one I can see my self with in the future not a husband, no this is too much but at least as a lover you know or a good friend... Anyway it's your sweetness, your words, your attitude, your everything. When you talk to me I feel okay, like everything's really going to be okay. You know how to calm me down just by sending me a text. It's so hard for me to explain it the way it is because it is greater than words. Where to start from? The times you were looking at me like there was no one around? The times you were there hearing me talking about other guys?

The times that we almost kissed by accident? The things we were talking about when you were sitting next to me in the classroom? The uncountable times you told me to stop doing self-harm & thinking in a negative way? And it's a lot more... So don't ask me to stop seeing you as something more than a friend because I can't, I can't help this feeling and I know that I mean something to you... Something more than you think.

P.S. Hope I didn't tire or bore you.

Love,

Athina xxx.