Trapped inside my mind.

Whenever I’m alone, I think about many things that scare me…whenever I’m not listening to music my thoughts become so loud, so loud that I can’t hear anything but them. They’re so scary. They freak the hell out of me. My mind makes up so many stories, theories, monsters… Most of the time I try to ignore them but whenever I’m alone I can’t help it. All the problems and anxiety make me shrink into my own ocean. I fall so hard it hurts so bad. I feel like cutting again or killing myself or wanting to run away. It’s so intensive and scary. I get panic and anxiety attacks. I can’t breathe, I can’t speak, my heart beats so fast. And all this because my mind is messing so fucking hard with me. It’s me eating myself. It’s a monster inside my head and it wants to eat my everything, I’m afraid it’s all my fault. I can’t help it though, I can’t stop me from falling into pieces. It won’t let me sleep or be happy. I wake up thinking about all the negative things in my life. I can barely smile. My whole body is shaking and my legs are so weak. Sometimes it’s that much that I become physically sick (e.g. headaches, fever, weakness). I feel I’m trapped inside my own mind. I can’t stop it from working or run away from it or shut it off. You know there are times all you need someone that will be there for you no matter what. Not a lover, a friend, a true and honest friend. Someone who will REALLY be there. But this is another subject I’ll soon open up about so… stay tuned!

-Athina.