What I never told you.

-to my ex best friend,

 who I’ll never forget.

Thank You. For making me believe someone besides my relatives, could truly love me. For making me feel like I matter, like you’ll be there for me when the rest leave. For all the memories and the times you were there for me. For picking me up when I was falling. For the illusion you created in my head of the ideal friend. For the endless conversations, the lessons, the fights, the disagreements, for all the night-long messages during the period of finals. Thank you for leaving me, it taught me a life lesson and then for coming back to apologize. With my entire heart I wish you had never returned but after all it was my fault taking you back. Anyway, thank you.

Forgive Me. For loving you too much. I mean it, I got attached in a way I still can’t understand. I came too close to you, at some point you could’ve been suffocating. It was all pure, I just tend to do this to the people that know my deepest secrets and truest self. I’m sorry for the drama, but that’s just me, I wish you had more fun though I’m not the kinda person that’s there to cheer you up, that’s something you do in fact. I wish I hadn’t dragged you into my darkness that much. I wish I expected less. I wish I had never felt this much. It was unexpected, although I liked your personality since the first time we spoke, it was out of the blue how close we ended up being. Forgive me for the way I needed you to help me at my tough times, for the over-the-top sh*t I said. You honestly can’t even imagine how much more calm and collected I wish I was. I’m a mess, an untamable one. You were brave enough to hang around with a person like me. I truly appreciate it and to be honest miss it but that’s how life goes so…

Remember Me. I remember the first time you told me you love me. It was on the phone before hanging up, that day you asked me to come with you and your friends out for coffee. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever heard over a phone. You were the sweetest person in my life at that point and I wouldn’t trade that feeling you gave me for ANYTHING. Still to this very day though I’m in pain if I was given the chance to turn back time and do it all over again knowing the ending would be the same, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I don’t want you to remember me being another friend of yours. I want you to remember the moments, my insanity, the way we talked, the way you were treating me both good and bad. You’ll find a bazillion better and worse than me but no one, I guarantee you, no one like me, ever. Keep that in mind. Believe it or not, I know deep in me, I’ll never have the kind of relationship I had with you, again. I’ll trust, love, hate again but no one will be like you. You have your own place in me, whether you like it or not. You’re one of those people that only happen once in a lifetime. If you think I’m exaggerating, think about YOUR friends. Will they ever be replaceable?! Will you ever forget them?! No. same goes for me when it comes to you. I know you don’t feel the same but to me it is completely fine. I’m okay, I will always love you anyway so… remember me.

Disclaimer: this text was written from my heart to one of the best people I’ve met, the only male close friend I had, that hurt me probably  more than anyone ever will.

 I’ll keep waiting.