Why.

Disclaimer: I wrote this a few weeks ago and I was planning on publishing it earlier but something happened during this period of time and I wasn't certain if I still wanted to post it but I decided to do it anyway in case it touches anyone. 

I still notice it when I read your name in my notifications, I’ll stop scrolling and process that pic you just posted, I’ll read the caption, pay attention, I still wanna know what is going on in your life even if I’m no longer part of it. Some nights I think of the ones we spent together, some days I’d see something while walking down town and think of you. Sometimes someone would send me a message and it’d hit me how much I’ve missed reading messages from you. There are still moments after all this time when I’d still hope that call was you instead of anyone else. There are still nights I need to talk to you, to tell you what is going on in my life and how it’s changed since we last spoke. There are still days I just wanna text you “I love you”. I don’t even care if you think of me or if you miss me at all, I just wanna talk to the person that used to call me best friend, that used to be there for me “no matter what”, that promised would never leave. If I could only see you for one last time and got the chance to talk to you I’d ask you “why”, why did you just stop talking to me out of nowhere, why couldn’t you just call to ask me if I’m fine at all, just why... But you know what sucks the most? The fact that although something inside me broke when you left & you’ll always have a piece of me no matter how many years pass by, I know that you’re completely fine with it. I know you barely remember I even exist and that you don’t even give a fuck about how I’m doing with my life and though I’m okay with it most days, sometimes it just hits me how someone you think you know can change their behavior in no time. I don’t really care what tomorrow will bring for you, all I want to know right now is, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU JUST ERASE SOMEONE YOU CLAIMED YOU LOVED SO MUCH AND WHO’D DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING TO HELP YOU, FROM YOUR LIFE SO EASILY, YOU MOTHERFUCKER?!

Anytime you want to,

I’ll be waiting for the answer to that,

forever.