Dead Inside.
Sitting
quietly in a corner watching people move per usual. Watching every expression,
every detail, watching them, as if they were Gods. They say the point of life is
living. At that moment she was just present, she couldn’t feel a thing. She
stood up and left. No one noticed. No one cared. The music kept playing in her
head. She almost got hit by a car. Okay, fine. She sat next to someone. Was
staring straight ahead. Lost in the chaos inside her head. Unable to feel
anything. Confused to the core. Is emptiness a feeling? Is it a mistake when
done with love? She’s going to hell anyway, her purity is long gone. Flashback
to her teenage years. It’s back and it’s strong, unstoppable, unavoidable, you
have to sleep with it, live with it, become friends with it. You know, darkness
is a familiar place to so many people, way more than you can imagine. She was
alone, but felt so good. She always found comfort in her past. Guess that’s why
she’s so prone to making the same mistakes again and again. Damn it. The taste
of it feels like home. What does home really taste like tho? What is even
feeling safe? Why is the past a comforting place that feels like home? She
dropped it on the floor. Fuck.
How do you know you’ve hit rock bottom, baby?
What does it taste like? Can you find the light, after all? Do you want to find
it, hun? She was watching her always. All the time, I’m sorry girl, I’m sorry I
let you down so many times. “I'll never tell you how I feel, It almost feels
like a joke to play out the part; When you are not the starring role in someone
else's heart. You know I'd rather walk alone than play a supporting role, if I
can't get the starring role.” Rough on the outside, wasted on the inside. Hard
to get along with, to cope with, to talk to, to connect with. Why even try,
boy? Ever since she got away, her heart broke into a million pieces and will
never be whole again. Sorry. I really am but you know what? Fuck off. I can do
it on my own. She’s been lying to people’s faces her entire life. No big deal.
On the outside she was alive but she was… Dead Inside.
Athina, x.
