in•sanity

Blurry images and a loud noise from within. The heartbeat getting faster, the emotions overflow her body and her need to sleep quickly goes away. Eyes wide open and confused brows. Why does it keep happening? Constant worry and frustration that replaced what once used to be surprise and ignorance. You know you can’t look past your instinct, right? Then exhaustion takes over; it overpowers the madness and the chaos inside her body and brain, it’s relieving. That feeling of drowning in your own thoughts with no chance of survival and no way out; when your only hope is to shut down just like that.

All the paranoia behind closed doors and beneath the surface. All the burying, hiding and lying. If you don’t show, they won’t know. They don’t, zero clue, no idea. Some nights her demons wouldn't go to sleep, no matter how hard she’d beg them to. Other days the inner voices were too loud for her to simply ignore. The times when light is unable to find its way through the darkness. The worst kind of pain, the one you can’t feel physically. That no painkillers will take away. The feeling of suffocating in a room full of oxygen and the desperation to get up and leave it all behind. When yourself becomes your deadliest enemy. When no one is as dangerous as your brain for you.

It’s 3:48 and she’s wide awake.