Why I've been gone.

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Long time no see. As you may or may not know; the purpose of Lifentasy is solely to help me express my emotions and help myself and, hopefully, someone else, who’s dealing with something similar, heal. The reason why I've stopped posting regularly is because I don’t really need to anymore (oh, I’m busy too, duh). This past summer, someone very special to me, helped me understand the mistake I’d been making all these years: I was looking for people to fix me, when in fact, what I needed was someone to show me how to fix myself.

And I found her. I’ve known her for 3 years now, but we started talking to each other in December. Long story short, the last 5 months we’re literally inseparable. She’s the most complex person I've met (after myself, obviously). We’re the same yet so fucking different. If I had one word to describe her it would be fire; if you treat her right she’ll warm you up and make you feel secure and powerful af. But if you do her wrong, she’ll burn your whole existence down. Since the first time I met her I saw myself in her, also someone I wanted to be but couldn't.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that I’m dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts quite often. I’m not saying this person made my psychological problems disappear; she just convinced me that if I don’t actually want to help myself, no one else will be able to do it either. She taught me that unless I decide to stop going back to my black hole and unhealthy ways of coping with pain and sorrow nothing will ever change. She’s super patient with me, more than I deserve to be honest. I’m usually a pain in the ass, I don’t trust people anymore, doubt their motives and I’m overall extremely skeptical. Well, she understands, I make it very hard for her to cope with me some days, she’s still here.

My life is going great but it’s far from perfect. I still get sad, feel like giving up. I fight with my mind, with her, with people around me. I get panic attacks, overwhelmed, scared and you-name-it. But I don’t want to die.

The thing I want you to remember from this post is to find someone who’ll make you feel powerful and help you step out of your comfort zone; someone who won’t try to pretend they know all the answers and solutions but will be there to help you find yours. I never reveal the names of the people I’m referring to, but if YOU are reading this, I want you to know that despite all the issues, every time I tell you I love you or take care or thank you, I mean it with my entire soul. I don’t know what I’d do without you; you've changed my life in so many ways. I’m very lucky I don’t believe rumors. Remember that I’m here for you always, no matter what. BITCH, you’re amazing.


I promise I’ll come back,
Athina, x

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