Lifentasy

I was at school, last class of the day, Monday, 21st of February 2011. Right before I went in class the principal's assistant came and asked me to go with her. She just told me "Your dad is here" and all I replied was "I know what that's for. I'm a strong girl." She just hugged me. The only thing I remember after that is scenes from the funeral and the fact that I was playing "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi all the way. I won't go into further details as to what happened there, it's too brutal for my brain to relive that day. February 21st 2011. The day the catastrophe began. The day my entire world shattered. The day I will never forget. The worst day of my life. Actually, no, that wasn't it, all the days after were. I'm still not nearly over it. My dad says I need to finally let go, not of my mum but of her loss. I can't, I just am incapable of not thinking about it at least 4 times a week. My mom is everywhere, in my ...

You know how sometimes you can't see the reality until you get slapped in your face and then everything is perfectly clear?! And you realise you fucked up BIG TIME. It's been about 10 days since we talked like actual friends and I am aching, it hurts. A lot. I know I screwed up many times but so did you. I can't give you space cause I don't know how to fill the gap that's left in my life when you're not there, I don't want anyone to comfort me or tell me it's gonna be okay. I don't want it to be "okay" without you. I never knew I could love someone like that. You have no clue what you mean to me. You're the most important person right after my dad. All I can say is I'm truly fucking sorry for the way I made you feel towards me. I miss you like hell and I love you way more than you can even imagine. I know I'm not like your best friends, we've known each other for a way shorter period of time but we came so close. I w...