Another Apology.

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You know how sometimes you can't see the reality until you get slapped in your face and then everything is perfectly clear?! And you realise you fucked up BIG TIME.

It's been about 10 days since we talked like actual friends and I am aching, it hurts. A lot. I know I screwed up many times but so did you. I can't give you space cause I don't know how to fill the gap that's left in my life when you're not there, I don't want anyone to comfort me or tell me it's gonna be okay. I don't want it to be "okay" without you. I never knew I could love someone like that. You have no clue what you mean to me. You're the most important person right after my dad.

All I can say is I'm truly fucking sorry for the way I made you feel towards me. I miss you like hell and I love you way more than you can even imagine. I know I'm not like your best friends, we've known each other for a way shorter period of time but we came so close. I want you back in my life, like now and I'm willing to do stuff to make it happen cause I know you still love me lowkey, I just do.

I always told you I was lucky and thankful to have you but I couldn't realise just how big of an impact your presence had in my everyday life. I feel lost. I feel broken. All I'm thinking about is how on earth I'll convince you I'm not just a pain in the ass. I care about you more than I had the chance to show you. You don't really like me that much right now but think about why you loved me and tried to keep me in your life all these months and all the times I tried to end our friendship.

I can't stop crying for the life of me. I get flashbacks all the time of the good and the bad moments we had together and how I ruined some things with my fears, insecurity, past traumas and overthinking.

All I'm asking for is one last chance.

It's like I'm living a nightmare and I just wanna wake up from it; I keep pinching myself but nothing's changing. I'm straight up telling you I'm willing to skip my pride in order for you to see how bad I feel about the whole situation. I need to make it up to you so badly. I want you in my life and I don't care how or what I might have to do to make this happen.

ps. if YOU, you know who you are, just read this, you changed my life.

I miss you bitch,
Athina, x.

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