My reAlity.

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Anxiety isn't the feeling you get before getting a test, speaking publicly, having a hard day at work or a bad day at all. Anxiety and stress are completely normal, sometimes even motivational when it comes to important events happening in your life. We all feel nervous in several situations during our lives.

Anxiety is the little voice in your head telling you you'll never be good enough, that everyone, even your closest friends and loved ones will eventually abandon you. Anxiety is when you're up all night days before a big event thinking about every single thing that could go wrong; Not to prepare yourself but just because your brain is wired in such way. My brain will automatically and unintentionally create a catastrophic scenario even for the most simple, everyday tasks I have to complete.

Anxiety is waking up every single day wondering whether I'll survive it or not. Anxiety makes me overthink, over stress, over analyze but most importantly, overreact to everything that happens in my day to day life. Anxiety makes it hard for me to sleep at nights, sometimes impossible. Anxiety makes my heart beat faster and my mind dizzy.

Anxiety has me questioning if my friends didn't hang out with me because they don't like me or because they were actually busy. It prevents me from trusting anyone and makes me believe everyone is trying to take advantage of me.

Anxiety is me writing this at 3:29 am not being able to sleep despite having had an exhausting day, because there's no one I can talk to that I feel I wouldn't bother if I called them right now. It's not having low self-esteem or being a pessimist. It comes in different forms and is triggered without a warning. I'm no expert, this is just my life.

I've fought through depressed days and extreme mood swings but anxiety has always been my greatest enemy ever since I was really young and had absolutely no reason to be stressed. Anxiety is the reason behind my panic attacks, my stomach sickness and one more health issue people don't know about.

I know it's all in my head, I'm making it all up but to me it's real, it's the only reality I've ever known and I need to escape from.

-Athina, x.

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