Lifentasy

  Θυμάσαι όσα σχεδιάζαμε να κάνουμε μαζί; Τα μέρη που λέγαμε να επισκεφτούμε, οι καλλιτέχνες που θέλαμε να ακούσουμε, τα μαγαζιά που κοιτούσαμε για να φάμε, αυτά που είχες πάει και ήθελες να δείξεις και σε μένα. Θυμάσαι όσα κάναμε μαζί; Το πόσο έχουμε γελάσει και κλάψει, το πόσο ενθουσιασμένη ήσουν, πως έκανες σαν μικρό παιδί όταν ήμασταν οι δυο μας, πόσα πράγματα έκανες για πρώτη φορά με μένα ή πόσο διαφορετικό ήταν κάτι όταν το ζούσες μαζί μου. Θυμάσαι όσα έκανα για σένα; Οι υποσχέσεις μου που κράτησα μέχρι και την τελευταία στιγμή. Όσα σου έδωσα απτά και μη, πράγματα δικά μου, δανεικά που δε ζήτησα ποτέ πίσω γιατί προτιμούσα να τα έχεις εσύ, γιατί τότε πίστευα πως θα μπορούσα να εξακολουθώ να τα βλέπω. Όλα αυτά που σου πήρα, τα περισσότερα χωρίς καν να τα ζητήσεις. Επιθυμίες σου που εκπλήρωσα πριν προλάβεις να τις εκφράσεις. Συναισθήματα ανεξάντλητα, κάθε μέρα πιο πολλά, πιο δυνατά. Το μόνο που ήθελα σαν αντάλλαγμα ήταν να ξέρω ότι σε έκανα χαρούμενη με τον οποιονδήποτε τρόπο, δε

Getting lost in the thought of us together and alone is my not-so-guilty pleasure. Replaying our moments in my head is my favourite kind of escape. Living in a fantasy I want to turn into reality so badly. The mind is a powerful tool and I use mine to keep you close to me, so close we become one. I want you inside my skin, I’d rather be killed by you than any other of my addictions. I can’t tell the difference between love and lust when it comes to you anymore. I feel it all at the same time, every emotion to the max. My imagination is running wild and real life is constantly ruining my illusions. But you have what it takes to make them come true. You look at me and I get lost in you in an instant. When you’re away I always find myself calling out for you. It’s like heaven and hell on earth. Just a little bit more, though it will never be enough. No amount of time will leave me completely satisfied, greedy for your existence. Through the highs and the lows, the toughest moments, when I

Walking around with a broken heart is a struggle not talked about enough. You stand there watching others pass by and your life running right in front of you. But you’re stuck, you’re unable to move. You function on auto pilot and breathing becomes a chore. People talk to you and everything they say bothers you. It feels like a permanent hangover you can’t get rid of. You try to tell yourself you’ll be fine. You’ve heard that time will heal you and that it all happened for a reason, but none of these cliche phrases help you in any way. It’s all too generic and pointless. You’re waiting for something to occur to make you feel better, although deep down you know it won’t.  You look away from places you used to go to together and hate anything that reminds you of them, when in reality it just makes you miss them even more. You’re in pieces and with every motion you break a little more. You keep falling but can’t seem to understand where the rock bottom is, it keeps getting worse and worse

The promise came undone, the Devil lied and is long gone. Her presence, however, still lingers here, following me everywhere I go. Peaks through triple locked doors and the tunnels inside my brain. My eyes roll every time I hear her name but not in the way they do when you moan it. I'm deprived of sleep and her scent. I keep counting down the days when the illusions become my reality mixed with a different kind of daydream than the one I've been living in for the past few weeks. Is she still the Devil I know? Has she changed her ways for the worse? What is it gonna feel like? Is there anything left for us? How will her touch feel like? Will she want to touch me? Is she happy to see me? Is it over? Is there still a hope? Am I going insane? Sucked the life right out of me and I'm hanging off of the thrills she occasionally gives me. Because I love it, I can't deny. A delussional romantic with exceptionally high stardards for everyone except that one favorite sin of mine.

Sight. I’m looking at you up and down like this type of artwork you have to stare at for a while to make sense of it. Like the greatest masterpiece I’ve ever laid my eyes on -and believe me I’ve seen a lot of things. Like a blind seeing for the first time. I can’t stop staring; my biggest weakness as a human being: to be unable to look away from something I’m so attracted to. I wanna explore every inch you. I want to inspect you raw enough so I can smell the natural scent of your body. Smell. I love your perfume, it suits you just fine. I don’t care if it’s expensive or not, your skin’s pH makes it the most luxurious scent my nose has ever experienced. I want it all over me, not your perfume, just the way you smell with nothing covering your body. I wanna smell like you, I want to be close enough so all of me touches all of you, every part. Touch. I need to touch you in every way. The respectful and gentle one. I want to touch you roughly like I own you, even if I don’t, even if I

Ή όπως το λένε και στο χωριό μου, wrong timing. Όμως αν είναι όντως τόσο λάθος η στιγμή, πως έτυχε και τράβηξες την προσοχή μου με τη λιγότερο δυνατή προσπάθεια ανάμεσα σε τόσα πρόσωπα που αντικρίζω καθημερινά; Πολλές φορές σε κοίταξα αλλά από την πρώτη σε είδα. Εντυ πώθηκε η εικόνα σου αν και θολή στο μυαλό μου, ανακατεμένη με τον καπνό και το χαμηλό φωτισμό που μαγαζιού που σε πέτυχα, και αν φαινομενικά σε προσπέρασα και δεν ασχολήθηκα, ένιωθα συχνά το βλέμμα σου καρφωμένο πάνω μου και ας ήσουν με παρέα. Σε ένιωσα και τότε και κάθε επόμενη φορά που σε συναντούσα χωρίς να έχω ιδέα ότι θα σε δω, όταν απλά βρισκόσουν ξαφνικά μπροστά μου. Εσύ με κοιτούσες και γω σε έβλεπα. Δεν στο είπα ποτέ αλλά όταν ήξερα ότι είχα το βλέμμα σου πάνω μου άλλαζε όλη η στάση του σώματός μου. Όπως αυτά τα αρσενικά του ζωικού βασιλείου που κάνουν επίδειξη τα πιο ωραία χαρακτηριστικά τους για να ελκύσουν τα θηλυκά. Μέχρι την στιγμή που μου μίλησες, φευγαλέα και τυπικά αλλά ήταν αρκετό για να το εκλάβω ως σημά

I love the way you make my name sound. I wish you'd call me all the time. But you don't. You leave me craving your voice. I don't want anyone else saying my name after hearing it from you. I hate the way your name sounds when I'm not the one calling you. I despise it even more these days. Especially when people say it but they're not referred to you. Because to me you're the only one worth existing with that name.  I'm not a selfish person. Love made me. I love control and I hate sharing. I sacrificed myself with every compromise I had to make. Not all at once. Piece by piece and now I'm left unfinished, with haunting memories that keep me up all night. My name doesn't feel like a name anymore, but letters put together to form noise. I don't know what my name is, I've been looking for it high and low. But if you called, maybe I'd have a way to find it again So, call me. Will you? I'm tired of counting all your broken promises and stru