Lifentasy

I miss y ou and you already know. I know you do. I’ve told you so many times hoping you’ll at som e point say it back but it never happ e ned. I’m okay with that. But I’m not okay with your absence, not yet. I miss the way your body fe l t next to mine or on me. I miss that little smile, the dimples, the way you l ooked at me before kissing me. I miss who you were 2 months ago. I miss your aura. I miss you making me feel cal m , caring about me, calling me things. I even miss you getting pissed at me, our stup i d little fights. I miss who I thought you were, the idea I had of us, of this. I miss you whe n I’m tipsy.  I wish I could hug you and never let yo u go. I wish I could turn back time and s top it when we were so good. When I felt a connection, when yo u knew how to make me happy. When y o u were sure you wanted me in your life, when you loved me or at least prete n ded to do so. It hurts like hell, God knows it does. I miss you telling me you can’t stop think...

"Stop staring at me; I won't say another word." I don't believe in religion but I deeply believe in God. I believe that the universe can hear your thoughts and the moon can see you cry. I believe the stars accompany you on those lonely nights. I believe in people's aura. Your energy speaks for you before you open your mouth.  "They say eyes never lie. True, you know what's the issue with this theory though?! We think we can read through others' eyes but can we really?" Can you ever be sure why or how?  I've never really trusted anyone; I just keep taking risks and destroying my inner peace trying to find someone genuine, I can at some point call "my person" or "the one who'll always have my back"; neither a lover nor a friend, just a human being.  One of my favorite singers has a song called "High by the Beach". Oh, Lana, let's get high anywhere, I'm sick of feeling low. "You don't n...

Baby, I'm sorry I'm telling you this over a text but if I don't do it now, I won't ever do it. I think it's time we give up on this 'friendship'. I'm done fighting for you. I'm done always worrying whether you love me or care about me. Friends are supposed to lift each other up we, apparently, can't do this for each other. I know you're just as tired as I am. Or maybe more. I'm tired of always being the one putting my selfishness aside so we make it up after a fight that wasn't even my fault and you not giving a fuck about making me feel better. I'm not blaming you or trying to make you feel bad, your personality is like this, I tried to accept it so hard , I swear I did. You broke my heart, I feel like you never really expressed your true, honest feelings about me because you were worried you might hurt me. It didn't work, I feel so bad but I have nothing left to give you.  I wish I could fix you. I wish I could m...

(this is the 2nd part of an article I wrote last week; YELL - ONE ) 45 minutes and a list full of emotions. In a cold space filled with people waiting for someone to come or leave. I was nervous, kinda like, I was taking a test but the answers were right in front of me. You know, sometimes you are aware of the truth but choose to ignore it simply because you don’t like it. I’m not a delusional human being but I need to escape reality from time to time, this one, I did for good. My mouth started speaking and my heart just shut. I didn’t wanna feel anything I just needed to be done with this as soon as possible. Oddly enough I was more collected than I thought I’d be. For a second it felt like I was in a movie, it was surreal and so real at the same time.   His answers to my questions were, for the most part, what I expected they’d be. I was listening to him and all I could think of is why on earth I put my self in such situation. I probably nod my head way too man...

Baby,  I’m sorry. Not too much but I am. I wish I didn’t have to do it but I do. I hate it. I finally let my mind take over my heart. You have no idea how much I wish I hadn’t, it happened. I miss you already and it hasn’t even been 2 full days.  Yesterday morning I woke up and decided I had to take a break from you, I told you, you said “okay”. I felt relieved, I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, I was even happy; I was calm, at peace. Then I saw you, I ignored you. I was trying not to think about the whole situation too much. Around 9 pm my heart decided to give me a very hard time, I wouldn’t focus on anything other than the fact that I wasn’t allowed to text you. I knew it was going to happen but not that intensively. I went out, I drank, I could barely think of anything. I almost confessed to someone but, don’t worry, I didn’t say a word. I just needed to do it so badly. I swallowed it.  Today, I woke up numb; I was okay, neither...