Lifentasy

Long time no see. As you may or may not know; the purpose of Lifentasy is solely to help me express my emotions and help myself and, hopefully, someone else, who’s dealing with something similar, heal. The reason why I've stopped posting regularly is because I don’t really need to anymore (oh, I’m busy too, duh). This past summer, someone very special to me, helped me understand the mistake I’d been making all these years: I was looking for people to fix me, when in fact, what I needed was someone to show me how to fix myself. And I found her. I’ve known her for 3 years now, but we started talking to each other in December. Long story short, the last 5 months we’re literally inseparable. She’s the most complex person I've met (after myself, obviously). We’re the same yet so fucking different. If I had one word to describe her it would be fire ; if you treat her right she’ll warm you up and make you feel secure and powerful af. But if you do her wrong, she’ll burn you...

It's one of those nights again, when I can't fall asleep despite being tired AF. So, as everyone else does on these sleepless nights, I was thinking a lot about the past. I thought that story was over but I guess this is my final say. I'm sorry, I truly, fucking, am. This time I actually mean it, no shade, no need of revenge, just a pure and honest apology. You apologized more than once and I realized owe you the same. I'm sorry for being too much and not knowing where to stop or how to limit myself. I'm sorry you felt intimidated by my words or actions. I'm sorry I left you with no room to breathe or leave. I'm sorry I didn't read the signs earlier. I'm sorry for the drama and the fights. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you the way you wanted and needed me to. But fore and foremost, I'm sorry I couldn't make you feel happy or good the way you made me. Thank you, for real this time, thank you for making me believe in soul mates, I swe...

This one is for all the people I walked away from; my high school boyfriend, my 3 teenage-years-besties, the 3 male close friends I had and in general anyone I ghosted although I had some kind of serious relationship with. Let me start off by saying that was never my initial intention. The reasons why I leave people are quite specific; though they change, they depend on the other person and our relationship. I’m for the most part, an introvert but if you earn my trust, I’ll be an open book and I will  quickly develop feelings and care for you. I can get very attached to those that allow me to, with their words or actions. I know I can be a pain in the ass and very hard to cope with, but be sure that if I start loving you, I’d do just about anything for you, no joke. Having said that, for me to walk away from someone is very rare so when it happens it’s cause I had no other choice.   I leave when I feel unwanted. When I notice someone’s behavior towards me changi...

Blurry images and a loud noise from within. The heartbeat getting faster, the emotions overflow her body and her need to sleep quickly goes away. Eyes wide open and confused brows. Why does it keep happening? Constant worry and frustration that replaced what once used to be surprise and ignorance. You know you can’t look past your instinct, right? Then exhaustion takes over; it overpowers the madness and the chaos inside her body and brain, it’s relieving. That feeling of drowning in your own thoughts with no chance of survival and no way out; when your only hope is to shut down just like that. All the paranoia behind closed doors and beneath the surface. All the burying, hiding and lying. If you don’t show, they won’t know. They don’t, zero clue, no idea. Some nights her demons wouldn't go to sleep, no matter how hard she’d beg them to. Other days the inner voices were too loud for her to simply ignore. The times when light is unable to find its way through the darkness. Th...

And it felt amazing. At first I couldn’t realize what I had just done but it was so relieving finally revealing, possibly, my biggest secret. A little more than one month ago, I was out drinking, having fun, I was texting you at the same time; I was sitting with a bunch of people; I stood up walked over to her and just whispered your name in her ear. She was pretty shocked, I know RIGHT. The next day, I decided to ask you to never text me again. You’re quite popular; everyone thinks you’re the nicest, coolest guy. Everyone likes you; I did too, until you showed me your ugliest, shadiest side. I swear to God one day I’ll be brave enough to scream out your name and let the world know how wrong they all are. One day karma will come, find you and kick you out of your little fantasy world, full of dark secrets. Mark my fucking words. I loved you, I fucking did, believe it or not. I was worried about your mental and physical health. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted to help you. ...

Happy Birthday mom. I miss you, it’s been 7 years and I still miss you more and more every day that goes by. I’d trade my life just to get the chance to see you and touch you for five minutes. I don’t know if you can see me or not. I don’t know if heaven and hell exist. I’m sad most days of my life. I’m numb some others. I can feel satisfaction, pleasure, sometimes even happiness. But it’s all temporary. I’m losing myself. I hurt the people I love the most. I even allow some walk all over me. I’m sorry I’m weak. I tried to come to find you, they wouldn’t let me. There are days I wake up without motivation to live another day and nights I go to sleep hoping I won’t open my eyes again. Mum, I hope you’re proud of everything I’ve achieved. I know a lot of people disapprove of the life I’ve chosen to live and the career I decided to pursue. I found a reason to live in performing; I swear I live for this. Art feeds my heart and soul; I wouldn’t wanna have it any other way. It’...

If you’ve been following my posts for years you have probably read about the “Blue Eyed Guy” I’ve written a sequel of 4 articles about my relationship with him. In case you have no idea what I’m talking about I suggest that you read these first: The Blue Eyed Guy: All Articles. All in all I hadn’t spoken to him in 2 years when he messaged me out of nowhere on New Year’s Eve; the reason why I didn’t write about this earlier is because I found no reason in doing so, but looking back on some of my previous posts I thought it’d be interesting to let you know, that it took him 2 fucking years of me paying zero attention to him and of him not seeing me in months (because I moved), to apologize for mistreating me so much and making me feel like crap.  I was so shocked when I saw his name popping out of nowhere on my Smartphone’s screen I literally screamed. The last message he had sent me was in August 2015. I’ve inserted a screenshot of what he sent me below; it’s in Greek b...