Lifentasy

I was at school, last class of the day, Monday, 21st of February 2011. Right before I went in class the principal's assistant came and asked me to go with her. She just told me "Your dad is here" and all I replied was "I know what that's for. I'm a strong girl." She just hugged me. The only thing I remember after that is scenes from the funeral and the fact that I was playing "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi all the way. I won't go into further details as to what happened there, it's too brutal for my brain to relive that day. February 21st 2011. The day the catastrophe began. The day my entire world shattered. The day I will never forget. The worst day of my life. Actually, no, that wasn't it, all the days after were. I'm still not nearly over it. My dad says I need to finally let go, not of my mum but of her loss. I can't, I just am incapable of not thinking about it at least 4 times a week. My mom is everywhere, in my ...

You know how sometimes you can't see the reality until you get slapped in your face and then everything is perfectly clear?! And you realise you fucked up BIG TIME. It's been about 10 days since we talked like actual friends and I am aching, it hurts. A lot. I know I screwed up many times but so did you. I can't give you space cause I don't know how to fill the gap that's left in my life when you're not there, I don't want anyone to comfort me or tell me it's gonna be okay. I don't want it to be "okay" without you. I never knew I could love someone like that. You have no clue what you mean to me. You're the most important person right after my dad. All I can say is I'm truly fucking sorry for the way I made you feel towards me. I miss you like hell and I love you way more than you can even imagine. I know I'm not like your best friends, we've known each other for a way shorter period of time but we came so close. I w...

Remember when I told you this wouldn’t last? And you didn’t wanna hear. But I was right. You said you’d never leave, you didn’t; though you pushed me away which is even worse cause I had to end it. I never wanted for it to end, I never wanted to lose you. I can’t imagine my life without you, our inside jokes, the bullshit, the deep conversations, the small talks. I’ll miss you sending me songs you clearly know are not my type of music, or puppies when I’m sad, or screenshots of your conversations with pretty much everyone. I’ve known you for such a short period of time but you felt like family to me, I was real, I was honest, I let you see the worst of me. You helped me so many times, you made me smile, you made me cry, we had countless fights, ugly moments, very bad ones. But I’m pretty sure there was love, real love. I’m gonna be very open, vulnerable, emotional and possibly dramatic in this post. You changed my fucking life; I’ve told you so many times, you can’t even under...

I wrote this a while ago but never got the chance to post it so, here you go... I decided to do something different for this post, from time to time I write articles with titles that either make no sense to anyone but myself or have nothing to do with the content. So, I thought it’d be cool to explain why I’ve used these titles for some of my posts. (if you click on the titles you can read the article it's referred to) 1.        YELL – ONE (the most asked about): If you know how to decode the title you get the name of the person it was written for. But I’ll never tell you how to do that, he’s the only one who knows.  2.        High Ceiling (the most irrelevant one): The reason why I named this specific post “High Ceiling” is because I was literally staring at the high ceiling of my room thinking about everything I wrote in it and also because someone I really love was in that room a couple of days prior an...

I had no doubt in my mind I’d come back, to be honest with you. In my last article I wrote about how my life has changed in a good way. Well, I guess you can’t have the rainbow without a little rain. This isn’t just about me; this is about you, too. This is your so-called sign and a reminder, an important one. Just know, as cliché as it might sound, you’re never alone. And you’re worth the whole damn world. You’ve come way too far to give up now. I know you’re tired, I feel it every day of my life. Go back to the beginning. Remember why and how you started. Throw away the trash and set bigger goals. Then S T O P giving fucks. Focus on the good and learn from the bad. Silence the voices in your head. Don’t pay attention to them. And if they’re loud, well, faith is louder. And if you need to shout, scream. If you need to cry, ball your eyes out. If you need air, leave the fucking house. Breathe. If I’ve learnt one thing after being screwed over once too many times is th...

Long time no see. As you may or may not know; the purpose of Lifentasy is solely to help me express my emotions and help myself and, hopefully, someone else, who’s dealing with something similar, heal. The reason why I've stopped posting regularly is because I don’t really need to anymore (oh, I’m busy too, duh). This past summer, someone very special to me, helped me understand the mistake I’d been making all these years: I was looking for people to fix me, when in fact, what I needed was someone to show me how to fix myself. And I found her. I’ve known her for 3 years now, but we started talking to each other in December. Long story short, the last 5 months we’re literally inseparable. She’s the most complex person I've met (after myself, obviously). We’re the same yet so fucking different. If I had one word to describe her it would be fire ; if you treat her right she’ll warm you up and make you feel secure and powerful af. But if you do her wrong, she’ll burn you...

It's one of those nights again, when I can't fall asleep despite being tired AF. So, as everyone else does on these sleepless nights, I was thinking a lot about the past. I thought that story was over but I guess this is my final say. I'm sorry, I truly, fucking, am. This time I actually mean it, no shade, no need of revenge, just a pure and honest apology. You apologized more than once and I realized owe you the same. I'm sorry for being too much and not knowing where to stop or how to limit myself. I'm sorry you felt intimidated by my words or actions. I'm sorry I left you with no room to breathe or leave. I'm sorry I didn't read the signs earlier. I'm sorry for the drama and the fights. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you the way you wanted and needed me to. But fore and foremost, I'm sorry I couldn't make you feel happy or good the way you made me. Thank you, for real this time, thank you for making me believe in soul mates, I swe...