Lifentasy

Wide eyes, sweaty palms. Heavy breathing, fast heartbeating. Shivers. Leaves you starving for more. Gives a lot but never all. The kind you're hungry for. That makes you wanna get down on your knees and beg for it. The one that fulfills you by stealing everything you have; body and soul. Fucks your mind in ways you can't explain. You can't help but crave for more. You become greedy, sinful; just to get the divine feeling that comes with it. Cherry lips and the angelic touch from the devil. Heavenly chaotic with a taste of freedom; though you're addicted to it, you can't escape. Prisoner; but the door is unlocked. Blood and tears. Abusive and affectionate all at once. Never enough. Darkness, but all you see is light. Enemies and allies at the same exact moment. Explosion; a perfectly put together mess, a work of art. Obsessive and catastrophic but it makes the world go round. The only thing that can make the time go truly fast or just stop. The...

You know how sometimes you really want to text someome just to talk to them and they text you first but instead of being happy you feel pissed? You're mad because you know this will never work out, the facts are always there and the reality the same it was a year ago. Let's pretend what we always wanted to do could actually happen. Let's pretend our little game of devils and angels is our life. Let's just act as if we don't know well enough we'll eventually fall apart again; and you'll finally be mine even for a split second. Ignore our connection and the way our minds and souls understand each other in ways we'll never be able to explain with words. And I'll ignore catching you staring at me and me looking at the other way so that no one else notices what is going on. My greatest sin and biggest secret. A "swear you'll take this one to the grave" kind of relationship; one caught between pure love and affection and intense ...

You prayed, you cried, you were up all night; trying to figure out what went so wrong, what mistakes you made and whether you could possibly fix them. Over and over again. For so long, so much energy invested in a single human being that was doing just fine without you. You loved her more than she could ever be able to handle. You were ready to save her ungrateful ass despite the cost. Look at you sucker, you don’t deserve all this pain, nobody does. Or maybe, just maybe, she does. You loved her with your entire soul, you know it. God knows. She runs around with people who’d never do half of the things you’d still –after all this time, do for her; believing those are the “real ones” just because with them it’s easy and fun. You tried everything, you gave everything you literally had, anything and everything for a person who can’t even understand this type of love because she’s never felt it. She broke you, she made you feel worthless, like you don’t matter; yet you loved h...

I was at school, last class of the day, Monday, 21st of February 2011. Right before I went in class the principal's assistant came and asked me to go with her. She just told me "Your dad is here" and all I replied was "I know what that's for. I'm a strong girl." She just hugged me. The only thing I remember after that is scenes from the funeral and the fact that I was playing "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi all the way. I won't go into further details as to what happened there, it's too brutal for my brain to relive that day. February 21st 2011. The day the catastrophe began. The day my entire world shattered. The day I will never forget. The worst day of my life. Actually, no, that wasn't it, all the days after were. I'm still not nearly over it. My dad says I need to finally let go, not of my mum but of her loss. I can't, I just am incapable of not thinking about it at least 4 times a week. My mom is everywhere, in my ...

You know how sometimes you can't see the reality until you get slapped in your face and then everything is perfectly clear?! And you realise you fucked up BIG TIME. It's been about 10 days since we talked like actual friends and I am aching, it hurts. A lot. I know I screwed up many times but so did you. I can't give you space cause I don't know how to fill the gap that's left in my life when you're not there, I don't want anyone to comfort me or tell me it's gonna be okay. I don't want it to be "okay" without you. I never knew I could love someone like that. You have no clue what you mean to me. You're the most important person right after my dad. All I can say is I'm truly fucking sorry for the way I made you feel towards me. I miss you like hell and I love you way more than you can even imagine. I know I'm not like your best friends, we've known each other for a way shorter period of time but we came so close. I w...

Remember when I told you this wouldn’t last? And you didn’t wanna hear. But I was right. You said you’d never leave, you didn’t; though you pushed me away which is even worse cause I had to end it. I never wanted for it to end, I never wanted to lose you. I can’t imagine my life without you, our inside jokes, the bullshit, the deep conversations, the small talks. I’ll miss you sending me songs you clearly know are not my type of music, or puppies when I’m sad, or screenshots of your conversations with pretty much everyone. I’ve known you for such a short period of time but you felt like family to me, I was real, I was honest, I let you see the worst of me. You helped me so many times, you made me smile, you made me cry, we had countless fights, ugly moments, very bad ones. But I’m pretty sure there was love, real love. I’m gonna be very open, vulnerable, emotional and possibly dramatic in this post. You changed my fucking life; I’ve told you so many times, you can’t even under...

I wrote this a while ago but never got the chance to post it so, here you go... I decided to do something different for this post, from time to time I write articles with titles that either make no sense to anyone but myself or have nothing to do with the content. So, I thought it’d be cool to explain why I’ve used these titles for some of my posts. (if you click on the titles you can read the article it's referred to) 1.        YELL – ONE (the most asked about): If you know how to decode the title you get the name of the person it was written for. But I’ll never tell you how to do that, he’s the only one who knows.  2.        High Ceiling (the most irrelevant one): The reason why I named this specific post “High Ceiling” is because I was literally staring at the high ceiling of my room thinking about everything I wrote in it and also because someone I really love was in that room a couple of days prior an...