Lifentasy

-to my ex best friend,  who I’ll never forget. Thank You. For making me believe someone besides my relatives, could truly love me. For making me feel like I matter, like you’ll be there for me when the rest leave. For all the memories and the times you were there for me. For picking me up when I was falling. For the illusion you created in my head of the ideal friend. For the endless conversations, the lessons, the fights, the disagreements, for all the night-long messages during the period of finals. Thank you for leaving me, it taught me a life lesson and then for coming back to apologize. With my entire heart I wish you had never returned but after all it was my fault taking you back. Anyway, thank you. Forgive Me. For loving you too much. I mean it, I got attached in a way I still can’t understand. I came too close to you, at some point you could’ve been suffocating. It was all pure, I just tend to do this to the people that know my deepest secrets and...

Let's face we've all at some point in our lives -whether you're 16 or 60- fallen in love with someone so hard that it seemed impossible for us to move on, forget that person, stop having feelings for them, stop wanting or loving them and overall get completely over them. It may has happened to you just once, maybe twice or this may be happening to you every single time you fall in love with someone new. For me it has so far happened twice but I'm way too young to know love -only 18- although I feel the need to share my feelings & opinion on such an important and widely known subject such as the disability to move on aka get over someone. Whether it was "love at the first sight" or "why do I even like you?!" type of crush the result is one: you can't stop having feelings for them or forget about them or you call it. It's not really what exactly you feel and shouldn't be feeling it's why you feel like that, why yo...

2 years ago, January 1st, 2014 that's when it all started. That night will forever be marked in my memory not only because I met him but also because of the other things that happened then, although, let's just focus on him , the Blue Eyed Guy. (If this is the first time you're reading my blog I suggest that you first check out pt.1 , pt.2 & pt.3 .)  Believe it or not I knew that meeting this person wasn't random, I knew he would become part of my life, instict? Coincidence? I'm not sure, I just knew, I was a little drunk but still I felt it, from the very first second he spoke to me. I remember every little bit of that day & the other when I was alone with him & again when I had him to myself one year later.  Back to the present... Yesterday I saw him, I've seen him a bazillion times since August aka. the last time we talked etc. but none of the times did I feel bad or weird, I always liked him & was "checking him out...

"Him" knows who he is for the rest of you let's just say it is a guy I've known for almost 5 five years... I don't know why I felt the need to write this but I did, I do. Today I advised someone to be honest and take risks so I guess I'll just completely expose my self and let the words do the job for me. Going to that "event" was a complete torture for me cause it's just not me or my taste or anything and you already know that, on top of this I wasn't with my friends or wanted to spend so many hours with people I legit hate. Being kind of "away" from the stupidity that this celebration was I had the time to think, just think -typical me- while drinking alcohol and all I realised is that you're the most amazing person I've met here and the reason why God sent me here, I 'm not kidding that's what was going on in my mind as well as the fact that I'm clearly not Greek like there's no way, I should've bor...

happened today... I did it. I got him alone. I had him for two hours. He was mine for a while. I was holding him. I had everything I wanted. But he asked for too much. Much more that I could ever give not only to him but to anyone. I just can't, I gave him more than I've ever given to a guy and it wasn't enough. All he wanted was me to give him my body as it is with no feelings or mercy. I couldn't do anything more than what I did. This was the last time, the second and last time. Was it worth all the effort? I'm not sure. I just wish I could give it all to him. But I couldn't. I feel so confused and empty. He treated me as if I meant nothing. And I know I didn't ask for feelings but still. I wanna thank God for giving me the chance to spend time with the guy I'm in love with. I can't ask for more. I wanted one last time with him and it happened I don't wanna be ungrateful. I'm having a headache and I feel like crying. I'll ge...

(If you’ve missed part one (I posted it a year ago) check it out here .) Okay, so today I won’t get into personal details or events. I’ll just say that throughout this year, many things happened, I was in a relationship for quite a few months so he wasn’t in my life. He “came” back a. because I broke up & I started flirting again, b. because I had a dream of him one day and the next day I saw him and here we go again. This post is going to be about the feels he gives me not about the events. When he looks at me I feel like every cell of my body is being activated. I feel like he speaks to my heart. He sets my body on fire. I can’t get his look out of my head, at some point I don’t want to. He’s so handsome, seeing him makes my eyes and heart happy. Just seeing him, it brings me back to life. His blue eyes are the prettiest thing I’ve ever starred at. One look and I’m upon cloud 9, I’m happy, it’s all I need. You know, it feels right. Even if ...

Whenever I’m alone, I think about many things that scare me…whenever I’m not listening to music my thoughts become so loud, so loud that I can’t hear anything but them. They’re so scary. They freak the hell out of me. My mind makes up so many stories, theories, monsters… Most of the time I try to ignore them but whenever I’m alone I can’t help it. All the problems and anxiety make me shrink into my own ocean. I fall so hard it hurts so bad. I feel like cutting again or killing myself or wanting to run away. It’s so intensive and scary. I get panic and anxiety attacks. I can’t breathe, I can’t speak, my heart beats so fast. And all this because my mind is messing so fucking hard with me. It’s me eating myself. It’s a monster inside my head and it wants to eat my everything, I’m afraid it’s all my fault. I can’t help it though, I can’t stop me from falling into pieces. It won’t let me sleep or be happy. I wake up thinking about all the negative things in my life. I can barely smi...